Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Babies Babies Everywhere
Does it ever seem like practically everyone you know is expecting? It feels that way to me. Kristy is about to pop with her little one. Now that I'm not having anymore babies I am so torn with the relief, and a small sense of sadness (very small). Its been nice to not get side swiped by another pregnancy. Don't get me wrong I love all my little angels more than anything else, but as much as I would like to admit it was all planned, alas it was not. Well maybe that's not entirely true, I'm sure God knew exactly what was going on. It seemed like I tried a lot of things to stave off pregnancy for just a little while, even birth control had nothing on what was planned for me in the next 10 years. Yup glad that's over! 6 babies in 10 years isn't exactly the norm these days. Although I realize deep down (deep deep down and then maybe a little deeper) I always knew it would be this way, so why not get it over with fast, right? So there is relief in knowing there will be no more months of morning sickness (With every child morning sickness lasted longer, and was more severe so that my 6th I was sick for a good 5 months. Oh how I wished for just the regular 3 month morning sickness.), fatigue, endless nights of sleep deprivation (those of you that do not know me that well my husband drives tuck, so I only had relief when he was home, I actually used to fall asleep at stop lights), and now one more year and I will be done with diapers!! Oh what brings me joy these days. Truly its not so strange to be gleeful about not having to clean up stinky bums, no matter how much I love the little dudes. My youngest is now 2 years old, and I am just starting to get back my energy I used to have before all this, its quit exciting for me. That's about it, some of my story in a very small nut shell.
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I felt the same after I was done having kids. I was kinda lost because I had sorta defined myself as having kids. I hadn't really thought past the little kids to the raising kids through school and adolescence. I am still sad sometimes that I won't be having any more babies. (So I steal other people's babies at church). It's amazing how your perspective on little kids changes. I see them as so much more precious now. I used to see them as work and a chore. The pressure was so big I couldn't enjoy them like I should have.
I watched a little girl at Subway the other day, and was nearly in tears with the mixture of regret at not appreciating my own children enough, and missing their innocence. What made it so bad was that I realize I can't really remember when they were like that.Which makes the missing them a literal reality.
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